On my episode of Ashley Rodriguez’s podcast, Boss Barista, I discussed the common customer service policy, “leave your feelings at the door.” The idea stems from a certain expectation of professionalism that requires an even-keel attitude and a good service mentality. Oftentimes, the not-so-subtle message behind that adage is to keep feelings like anger, sadness, and frustration away from the people that support your business. While this is not necessarily a bad desire to have, it can become a toxic workplace mentality.
It’s an unfair and unrealistic expectation for anyone to come into a place that they spend any great length of time in and expect them not to feel anything related to the job or that their outside life won’t be a factor in how they act. Customers have been known to treat service workers less than kindly, but those same workers are expected to bear that treatment with a smile. Difficult life events do not wait for breaks or clock-out times, yet employees are supposed to stop thinking about their lives on the clock. Leaving your feelings at the door cannot be the end-all standard for professionalism in the workplace and should not be used as a way to dismiss the valid emotions that arise during a work shift.
Explosive emotions will happen, no matter how much we try to avoid them. So, how do you deal with them on shift when they happen?
Take A Minute:
Take some time to acknowledge your feelings and address how you can get through the rest of the shift. This can be as quick or long as you have time for, but go to the bathroom or walk out of the building and assess how you feel.
Try asking yourself these questions: What are you feeling? Is it something that you can address now or (more likely) should you deal with it later after you have calmed down? Should you deal with these feelings by yourself? Or with a coworker or manager?
If you are so angry or hurt that you can feel it in your body (shaking, crying, etc), it is more than likely best for you to do what you can to just get through your shift and then give yourself more time when you are in a safe space such as your home or with a caring friend to take care of yourself.
Just Trudge Through:
Sometimes, you may have the ability to leave when big feelings arise but, most of the time, the shift is not over and coverage is not possible so find ways to just make it through until you can clock out. This can look like switching to a position that is less customer-facing, making yourself a soothing drink, or asking for a break when possible. Whatever will help you get through the next few hours, put priority on that.
Don’t Cross Boundaries:
Recognize that other people can set a boundary and you need to respect it. We all vent to our coworkers about frustrations and problems. However, they may not be in a place to be vented to and that is just as valid. It may seem like they are dismissing you or invalidating your feelings but, while they do care about you, they have to do what is best for them as well.
Make a Plan:
When you clock out, assess how best to deal with all that you feel. Do you need to talk the situation out? Leave it at work? Work through it with a friend? Having a clear plan about how to help yourself feel better is vital because while you may have needed to put a pause in expressing those emotions for the sake of your shift and for your own emotional health, it still needs to be addressed now that the shift is over.
Self Soothe:
Experiencing big emotions is exhausting, both physically and mentally. Once you have figured out a plan and have come down from the initial blow-up, take some time to give yourself what you need to soothe your mind and body. Drink water, eat something good (read this as tastes good not necessarily healthy but that can be part of it), and rest. You’ve likely spent hours in your feelings and too much will just result in an emotional spiral so decide to put the issue down so that you can take care of yourself.
All-encompassing feelings like anger, sadness, and even shame can come on and overtake someone regardless of where they are, which means that no one can control or predict how they are going to feel and “leave it at the door.” The expectation that someone can just put their feelings in the pocket for minimum wage and the sake of an outdated view of professionalism is unfair and ridiculous. When big feelings arise, the important thing is to take time to assess what you need, how you are going to get through the day, and then to take care of yourself after.
The Non-Binary Barista 