Crafting Seasonal Menus

Last year, during a visit with my family, I was explaining that I had just launched my shop’s latest seasonal drink menu and I could see some confused looks on my family’s faces. I explained that I created the drink specials, and they asked questions like where we bought our syrups from and if I contacted the syrup companies to make the flavors we featured. When I explained that we make all the syrups in-house and that my job is creating the recipes for those syrups, the look of shock on their faces was evident since most shops do not make their syrups in-house. Working in a place where I have the creative freedom to build a coffee menu from the beans to syrup to SOP (standard operating procedures) documents is what I’ve been looking for in the industry and where I’ve found my groove in my local scene. I got asked about my creative process on Instagram and so many of my regulars at my shop ask how I create my drinks so I figured it was high time that I write about my creative process when creating signature beverages and seasonal menus.

Find Your Key Recipes First
I started syrup making in 2020 when the rest of the world was getting into sourdough bread making, but I have learned so much since those first few syrups and the syrups that I make at my current job. Making syrups for yourself versus making them on a production scale are vastly different experiences and I learned quickly that you don’t have to reinvent the wheel every time. Take your time figuring out the ratio of sugar to water that you like, what thickeners work best with certain types of syrup, and really get a handle on the basics like simple, chocolate, and caramel to better understand how to riff later.

Don’t Compete With Big Chains
One of my former bosses once told me, in July, that we had to get a Pumpkin Spice Latte out in August because we were already falling behind Starbucks. This one conversation made me rethink how I wanted to run a drink specials program because here’s the thing: you will never be able to compete with big chains. They have marketing departments, crazy advertising budgets, and whole test kitchens. Whatever drink special that you would like to have on the menu, whether it be a seasonal favorite like Pumpkin Spice or a new flavor that you come up with, let it be on your own schedule and let it be your own. Whatever you make should be something that you want to feature and should draw customers to your business but, if you try to recreate what others do, then customers will often just go to the places they already know.

Think About What You Like
When approaching the upcoming seasons, think about what you like during that season. Not just flavors like chocolate, pumpkin, or mint, but actual seasonal foods you like to eat. For Halloween this year, I created a Cookies and Cream syrup because I always look forward to when the orange-colored cream Oreos hit the shelves. I often take inspiration from ice cream flavors, seasonal desserts, and what feelings I want to invoke. During summer, it is always a challenge to create a drink that is both refreshing and doesn’t weigh you down in the summer heat so I tend to explore flavored americanos or cold brew specials. Lattes, meanwhile, take center stage come winter when most people want a little more sweetness and to feel cozy during the cold. Favorite foods and spices make not only unique drinks but set your drink menus apart because they are a reflection of you.

Don’t Dismiss Testing
Recipe testing is vital but it can often be overlooked for the sake of getting new syrups on the menu or trying to reduce waste. Not only should a test of a new drink be done to see if it tastes good, but testing can also reveal unforeseen problems. If a drink special can be done hot or iced, test it both ways to ensure that both have the same or comparable level of sweetness because the temperature can affect the mouth’s ability to perceive sweetness and flavor.

New syrups with special ingredients can also change the composition of the drinks. In the last couple months, I had two drinks that I realized after putting on the menu had to be served with non-dairy milks due to the reaction of some of the ingredients with dairy milk. One syrup, an Apple Spiced Cheesecake syrup that featured green apple puree reacted to dairy milk similar to the way that the acids in lemons react with milk and curdled steamed cow’s milk upon contact (an iced version of this latte could be served though). Similarly, the cookies and cream syrup that I made used chocolate powder that had been treated with Alkaline making the dairy milk unable to hold its froth and it just became a bubbly mess. They all tasted fine, but adjustments had to be made in testing, and restrictions put on how customers could order them to compensate for those issues.

Take Inspiration, Not Ownership
With so many flavors to choose from, I try to be very conscious of what flavors I can put on the menu and which ones are not mine to make. It can be easy to look at exotic flavors, especially ones that I like, and think I can make a drink with that. However, there is a growing trend of shops of all white employees putting on syrups or drink specials that are made popular at these shops but are dismissed when made by the people whose culture and country serve flavors like that every day. While I love flavors like horchata, Mexican mochas, ube, and taro, so often these are flavors that are popular in upscale white neighborhoods but are seen as quaint cultural flavors (at best) or odd and concerning flavors that should only be tried if one is “bold” enough (at worst).

I believe that there is a certain ownership that one takes on when they put a drink special forward, that this drink that is being presented is your creation. If you are copying flavors or thinking that “why can’t I do it too,” it isn’t your drink to sell.

Does that mean you can’t ever use any flavor combination that is celebrated and featured in countries and cuisines that are not native to you? Not necessarily, but remember to take inspiration from those flavors, not ownership.

Think About How Much You Realistically Have Time For
When I’m crafting my seasonal beverages, I also have to keep in mind what my shop is going to look like during those seasons such as if it is our busier or slower season, if we will have the staff on hand to devote to making more intense syrups than just dump and cook style syrups, and what will be readily available with our distributors (for instance, last holiday season, we could not get cinnamon sticks for months).

At my shop, summer is our slower season so I like to put drinks like shakeratos (iced lattes shaken in a cocktail shaker), sparkling Americanos, and other drinks that take slightly more time to make because we have less of a constant line in the shop and we can focus on those handcrafted drinks. Meanwhile, during the school year of the college right down the street, streamlining the drink preparation is key because our line is out the door and constant most days from opening till closing. If the syrups take too much time to make or the drink itself has a lot of steps, it can slow down the ticket times and we often run out of that drink. Finding that balance between time management and keeping good flavors on the menu can be tricky but it is all in the planning.

The last thing I will say is to have fun with it. Crafting new drinks should not keep you up at night and most people aren’t looking for the fanciest or most complicated drink. They just want something that tastes good. If you can give them that, then you have succeeded.

70 Things To Do On Days That Suck

We have all been there. You finally get to clock out and leave the store after a truly horrendous day. Nothing went right, the bar was a mess, and no one was in a good mood. Whether it was a short or long shift doesn’t matter, the day has got you down and now you are wondering how to recover from a day like that. I talk about big feelings a lot on this blog because, while I love to talk about coffee and gender, a huge reason I started this blog was to create a supportive space for people in the coffee industry.

So, if work has left you deflated like a limp balloon, here are 70 things to do on days that suck at work. Do one of them, do multiple of them, do none of them, but, ultimately, just get through these days as best you can. Remember that everyone has bad days and these feelings are not permanent.

Turn off your phone and take a social media break.
Go to a convenience store, set a budget, and let yourself buy whatever sounds good.
Journal about why the day sucked.
Rewatch your favorite tv show or movie.
Make yourself a nice drink and let the day go.
Call a friend and reconnect.
Find that thing you’ve been saving for a rainy day and use it.
Do something for someone else.
Make a plan for tomorrow and how it can be better.
Clear out your email inbox.
Eat a really good chocolate bar.
Put on your favorite song and listen to it until you feel it in your soul.
Wrap yourself in a blanket and be a cozy burrito.
Make a list of everything you are grateful for.
Do something you’ve been avoiding and finally check that off your list.
Discover a new playlist.
Get naked.
Drink a huge glass of water.
Go for a walk.
Write down a list of everything you love about yourself.
Reminisce about the best coffee/latte/tea you have ever had.
Put on your favorite pair of socks.
Make a big bowl of popcorn and watch a movie you haven’t seen before.
Snuggle with your pet.
Grab some chairs and a huge blanket and make a fort.
Think about all the youtube videos you watched when you were younger and go down a video rabbit hole.
Look through old pictures.
Chill on the floor.
Make a great PB&J (bonus points if you cut the crusts off).
Take a long bath/shower and don’t skip any steps.
Make your bed.
Think about something new you would like to learn about and begin doing research (a new language? An instrument? Want to learn how to can goods or make your own kombucha? The options are endless.).
Plan your next vacation (or staycation).
Watch the sunset.
Make yourself an amazing meal. Or, if cooking isn’t your thing, order a great meal to be delivered.
Take the long way home.
Scream into your pillow.
Forget baking, break out the cookie dough and eat it raw (take all food safety precautions).
Pretend it’s 2009 and read some fan fiction.
Put on your favorite PJs.
Romance yourself. Break out the vibes or whatever you are into and embrace some sexy time.
Start a new book.
Listen to old voicemails or read old letters from people that love you.
Go through your closet and get rid of any clothes that don’t fit or that you don’t wear anymore.
Take a nap / Go to bed early.
Take a stroll through your local antique or thrift store.
Wander around your local library.
Watch a documentary.
Go for a walk and talk about what made your day suck.
Be gentle with yourself.
Write out your long-term goals and put them somewhere you can see.
Sign up for a class.
Light a candle, close your eyes, and just breath in and out for a few minutes.
Stretch.
If they day sucked because of a person, decide how you will address it with them or interact with them in the future.
Go on a cleaning rampage.
Wash your face.
Take a cue from Miley Cyrus and buy yourself flowers.
Think about something out of the ordinary that you’ve been wanting to do and plan a day to do it. Horseback riding lessons? Go to a lavender farm? Visit a science museum?
Have a one-person dance party and shake it.
Wallow. It’s not all peaches and rainbows. But remember to find your way out.
Watch this video of Leslie Jones speaking the truth about achieving your dreams at any age.
Have a nerdy movie marathon. DC, Marvel, LOTR, Jurassic Park, whatever movie series you geek out over, watch it.
Rest.
Meet up with a coworker and just have a venting session together.
Watch some cartoons or something super lighthearted.
Pull out your old Instax camera from your tumblr area and snap some photos. Be a real shutterbug.
If you don’t have a pet but you’ve been thinking about it, do some research and consider getting one. Look up animal shelters in your area. Research everything you need for your new dog/cat/guinea pig/bird/etc and make a plan.
Plan a great day for your next day off.
Remember that you are worthy and deserving of love.

Especially that last one. The day may be hard but that will not change. You are loved and the day will end.

Covid, Career, and Caution

After my post about coffee trade shows, I received a message wondering why I did not mention Covid or what safety measures I took regarding the fact that we are still in a global pandemic. It was a valid message considering that I am extremely vocal on social media that I am disabled and have high Covid safety precautions in place because I am at high risk for Covid and severe post-Covid related issues. Trade shows are huge and risky events for someone like me that still masks everywhere and still does not spend time going to restaurants or concerts.

Much of the world seems content to move on and life is being forced to continue even though many disabled, immunocompromised, and chronically ill people are left to find their own way in a more dangerous and deadly world. I dream about staying home where I do not have to constantly be the only person in the room wearing a mask and worrying that my customers or coworkers could get me dangerously sick. Being in charge of a coffee program and managing a shop has been my dream for years but, now, I dread it because it feels like my passion and health are fighting each other.

Trade shows presented a hard decision. In attending, I would be helping my career and expanding my opportunities but, at the same time, traveling to and attending largely unmasked events would be putting myself at risk and, in many ways, giving my approval for large events to occur. I know there are those out there who will disagree with my decision and they would have valid points. But, this is what I decided and what I felt was necessary given the trajectory of my career and what I need to do for myself.

I worked really hard to make sure I was as safe as possible and, while I’m going to share what I did to protect myself, I need to stress at the beginning that nothing I did was foolproof. There is going to be risk and the important thing is to minimize the risk as much as possible. I still had a close call, even with all these precautions in place, and it was by sheer luck and God that I managed to avoid catching Covid while in Chicago.

Let’s Talk About When I Had My Mask On:
The major areas of concern as far as high risk and transmissibility were showrooms, the airport, and airplanes. They were the areas where I could not control my circumstances or who was in close proximity to me so they were where I put the heaviest precautions by wearing my mask non-stop, trying my best to eat/drink before I arrived, and keeping my distance wherever possible. While airplanes have decent air circulation on the flights, the jetway tunnel does not so I often utilized my ability to go on early because of my chronic pain or waited until last to board so I would spend the least amount of time in that vulnerable area. Lastly, I wore my mask when on public transit or in ride-share cars that I took in the respective cities I visited.

Let’s Talk About When I Had My Mask Off:
While not without some risk, I generally acted as though outside spaces were safe as long as there were not too many people near me so I took mask breaks outside the event spaces or I would eat at places that had outdoor seating. In Chicago, after discussing precautions with my host and friend, Arielle, we also agreed that we would be unmasked around each other. I stayed in a guest house alone when I was in California and in an RV with family in North Carolina, so I did not need to mask inside the places I stayed in those states.

Other precautions that I took were only eating out at places that had well-ventilated outdoor areas, ordering and taking food to-go, or having food delivered. As far as testing, I tested before every flight and every day while I was away. To ease the risk of infection at the shows, I took advantage of earlier or later hours when attendance was lower and chose which shows were worth going to instead of going to all of them. In many ways, there is a commonality with trade shows so making a choice to pick which one was worth going to as far as who would be there, the competition I competed in, and utilizing any travel I wanted to do in the same trip to make the shows worth it.

With all these precautions, I know there are those out there that will wonder if it was even worth it to go when I spent so much energy “restricting” my time. The truth is that I will never think of keeping myself safe from a virus that is very dangerous to my health as limiting in any way. It was through this lens that I chose to focus on the quality of the experience and figured out what I really wanted from trade shows. By being uncompromising about my Covid boundaries, I found my true friends and valued when they too wore masks or accommodated my needs to keep me safe.

As coffee events are returning for 2023, such as Qualifiers, in Baltimore, this weekend and New York Coffee Fest on the horizon, I am encouraging people to return to taking precautions. The fact is that most of the country lives in high transmission areas and whatever people can do to help stop the spread in our current surge is helpful for everyone. Events, like trade shows, are a part of our industry, and assuming that everyone who goes is in peak health or can withstand a Covid infection is wrong and dangerous. There are those of us in the industry that are vulnerable and showing community care by masking, testing frequently, and taking precautions makes events like these safer for us. When we show care, we keep us all safe.

5 Ways To Drink More Black Coffee

Black coffee drinkers seemed to have gained a certain notoriety amongst the coffee community. To some, they are in a unique class that can handle it straight. To others, they are the self-proclaimed elite that do not need nonsense. Coffee drinkers that add milk and/or sugar can feel left in the dust or even ashamed of how they like their brew. As though, they are enjoying coffee incorrectly.

While you should never feel bad about how you like your coffee and there is no wrong way to enjoy a cup of coffee, there can be many reasons why someone would like to start drinking their coffee black. So, whether it is to reduce your sugar or dairy intake, you want to enjoy the experience of black coffee more, or you want to see what all the hype is about, here are five ways to drink more black coffee.

Remember Your Reasons For Drinking Black Coffee
If you are going from a milky and/or sweet drink, the transition will be hard so it is important to focus on the reasons why you are changing up your coffee order. The way you brew and enjoy a cup of coffee is your own and so should the decision to drink more black coffee. As with any change, know that it will take some time before you get to that level of appreciation and there will be some cups of coffee that are harder to drink because it is not your usual.

Identify What You Don’t Like
There are so many different tastes that are possible in coffee so taking the time to figure out what about black coffee you don’t like can help in finding a cup of black coffee that you will like. Is it too bitter? Too acidic? Too light in flavor? Too dark? Diving into the world of origin, coffee processing, and roasting can be overwhelming so take it one step at a time, because knowing what you want and don’t want will help you find the best cup for you. If you find your coffee to be too bitter, you might look for a fruit-forward natural or a delicate Ethiopia. Is fruit not your thing? A hearty Mexico or a wild card Sumatra might catch your fancy better.

Look At The Tasting Notes
Tasting notes on coffee bags are opinions, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t help you narrow down a coffee you’ll like. Think about your favorite flavors and look for bags with notes that match. The coffee will not taste exactly like blueberry or milk chocolate but it will be reminiscent of those flavors and will help you enjoy your cup more. If you want a nice primer on tasting notes, I wrote a nice write up here on tasting notes. (Which, I always meant to do a part two post so let me know if you want to hear more.)

Try Different Brewers And Temperatures
Forget how you may have enjoyed it before, and try your morning cup with a different brewer and temperature. We can all agree that espresso, drip coffee, and cold brew are completely different drinking experiences and you may find you like your coffee brewed on a different brewer or at a different temperature now that you are drinking it without any additions. Perhaps, drinking a cup of drip coffee black is not appealing to you because the milk or sugar you add covered up some of the strong acidity that you do not enjoy. Cold brew is known for being a much smoother coffee drink and you may find that more enjoyable and your black coffee drink of choice. Want something strong in flavor? It may be time to drink a double shot of espresso. It will be intense and just as sweet if you dial in a great coffee for it. Take this time to really explore the different ways to enjoy coffee without or with few additions and you may find your new favorite drink.

Take It Slow
It is okay to work your way down, rather than just start with straight black coffee. This can look like adding half the amount of sugar you usually put in and, over time, adding less or choosing to put only milk or sugar in your coffee instead of both. Depending on your reasons for wanting to drink black coffee, remember that there is no rush. Taking your time to appreciate black coffee does not need to happen on a particular schedule and, even if you “only” get to drinking it black sometimes but not all the time, the important thing is to recognize your progress and why you are doing this.

The journey from coffee cherry to cup of coffee in your kitchen or cafe is a long one and, no matter how you like your coffee, I think that every person can have an appreciation for coffee as it is and without additions. Black coffee does not have to be unapproachable and can be valued for it’s importance. Little ways to take the time to appreciate coffee can be drinking the occasional cup of black coffee or making a standard practice to try coffee straight when brewing the first cup from a new bag. Whatever way you choose to enjoy your coffee, there is room for all in the coffee industry.

Identity Doubt: Am I Non-Binary Enough?

I realized and came out as non-binary at the beginning of my coffee career. Originally, only my coworkers and my partner at the time knew. The fact that now, 5 years later, I’m known as The Non-Binary Barista is wild. I didn’t even have the confidence to declare my pronouns at first because of the inconvenience, only to be running a blog where I talk about gender and be a source for discussion on gender in the industry would blow my young queer mind.

Gender and sex are expansive topics, one that there is no end to exploration and discovery. I have been contemplating my relationship with the feminine lately and wondering if I have the same distaste for she/her pronouns. Working on bar in my area, I get misgendered constantly, even by other queer people, and to be honest, it does not bother me as much as it used to. It isn’t because I’ve reached some sense of enlightenment but, rather, I’ve reached a point after many uncomfortable conversations with people that my gender is a personal experience for me and I do not have the energy to keep debating with people. That does not mean that I will not stand up for myself and my identity, but that I want to spend less time convincing others and more time discovering myself.

I have given my gender expression so much thought, from the ways I dress to styling my hair and even to how my voice sounds. Some of it, I do not feel like I can change. The customer service voice that so many of us in the coffee industry know well is probably the part of myself that makes me the most self-conscoius. I can hear how high-pitchedit it is so loud sometimes that I cringe but, without intense vocal therapy, it is something that I cannot change. Meanwhile, the way that I dress is so often based on what makes me feel comfortable and safe as well as my hair is the way it is to highlight the parts of my face that I like.

But, in all matters of the self, we are not free from doubt.

The questions many gender non-conforming people ask of themselves or their expressions of their gender can often be met with internalized shame and confusion. The amount of times that I have put on a historically gendered garment such as a dress and felt like I was betraying myself is incalculable because I get hit in the face with so many gender stereotypes, my own skewed conceptions of gender, and I begin to think that I have somehow failed at being myself. There is still this internalized view that if I am comfortable with how I am perceived or allow myself to explore gender in this way I somehow fail at being non-binary.

Even after saying for years that there is no one way to be non-binary.

It was as though it was fine for everyone else, but inside I couldn’t bring myself to accept my own advice.

But, as much as so many of us carry this need to prove ourselves or instead prove to other people that we are ourselves, this journey of who we are is not something that can be reduced to a check list that will somehow confirm our identities the more in line with hypothetically attributes we are. Changing how I look to something more androgenous or off-the-wall might make some others understand my gender identity more but it will only make me personally, more dysphoric. How am I staying true to myself if I am forcing me to move away from what makes me happy?

Here are the lessons that I’ve been trying to work through lately: Growing is not an admission of wrongdoing. Just because you embrace aspects of certain genders doesn’t mean that you are de-transitioning or that you have failed. So much of gender is fluid and every gender non-conforming person’s view of their own gender changes as we grow more into ourselves. Sometimes, taking a hard look at who you are and how you feel comfortable being present in the world means that the words to describe yourself may change. Which, in many ways, can feel defeating when it took you so long to find those words and your own way of being that to change again is to abandon all that work. As though you have to rediscover yourself after you already did. However, as valid as the frustration is, on the other side is also a deeper understanding of who you are.

And that’s beautiful.

Also, if you need to be told and I think we all need to be told at times, yes. You are non-binary enough. Trans enough. Queer enough. Just as you are.

What I Learned From My First Trade Show Season

So much of the online coffee community in recent years can be credited to the pandemic forcing us all to look toward bridging the gaps between shops, roasting facilities, farmers, buyers, and so many other wonderful people in the industry. Unlike other industries that I have worked in, the community within the industry is not only why I stay but also so vast in its reach. I knew no one beyond my own shop when I first started in coffee and could not fathom that there were other people that looked, thought, and cared like me. The internet connected me to wonderful individuals that are now some of my closest friends, which is strange considering I had not met any of them in person till my first coffee trade show season of 2022. I am very grateful that I had the opportunity to attend CoffeeFest in Chicago and Los Angeles, as well as No Filter Coffee Fest in Charlotte, North Carolina this year.

If I were to boil down the entire experience, it would come down to the amazing people that I met either for the first time or people that were my long-time internet friends who meeting in person only solidified our friendship. To have all these friends in one place for the first time in three years of only interacting with them on my phone was truly, properly special. At the end of the day, I went to all these events for the people.

All that being said, I had this idea that everyone I met there was going in with the same desire for connection and bonding with other coffee pros that I did, which is wrong specifically related to the vendors at trade shows. These shows are multi-faceted and a major facet is that vendors at trade shows are trying to gain clients and business. Do not misunderstand me, there is nothing wrong with businesses going to an event like this to make money. I had entered the showrooms not fully realizing the business aspect and it was a wakeup call when vendors moved me a long or cut the conversation short when they realized that I was not going to be a future client. No one working the boothes were rude but conversations with seasoned trade show friends gave me the perspective that I was missing. After my first event, my interactions with vendors felt more natural, I had good conversations with some, but did not take the interactions so personally when they were short and I made more of an effort to talk to vendors that related to my interests.

Walking the showrooms of vendors and products is still worthwhile and many of them have fantastic samples of their wares but please, for the love of God, pace yourself on the caffeine. Chicago was my first event and I had 6 double shots and sips of 10 different cold brew drinks from the competition I judged. Between the caffeine and the emotions of the day, I was a bit frazzled and not able to manage my thoughts by the time I went to bed that night. The best advice that I received was from Joseph Gonzalez, the coffee director of Espresso State of Mind, is to take a sip and see what you like then toss the rest. It can feel wasteful but use what you taste to figure out what you want to buy. If roasters are offering samples, sample what you would likely buy. Judging a machine you are looking for? Drink enough to evaluate the equipment. It will be tempting to engage with every cup of coffee or shot that is presented to you but you will pay for it later.

Speaking of engaging, do not underestimate how much mental energy these events take. I did not realize until I experienced it myself that events like this require a work persona, your true self, and a blend of the two for hours. It can feel seamless until you leave and all your energy just drains aways. Taking a moment for yourself or leaving early may seem unnecessary but it is important for your mental health because the high of the trade show often masks just how exhausted you really are.

Lastly, the biggest event of my first trade show season was competing in my first coffee competition, which was as scary as it was exciting. I competed in CoffeeFest LA’s U.S. Cold Brew Championship and got 4th place. It was my first time putting myself out there in such a public way and, while I definitely had some things go wrong (forgetting my scale in the car, the borrowed scale running out of battery mid-presentation, etc), I am proud of what I put out there and would love to compete again.

Trade shows are a phenomenal resource for connections and getting to know the industry beyond your local shops. Getting the opportunities to meet fellow industry friends and showcase my skills are not ones that every barista has access to so I am grateful for each experience. Having people in my court as a queer and disabled barista, both emotionally and monetarily, is rare, and cannot believe that I found that in support from friends and my current job. Now, as much as I had fun, I am ready to hibernate until next season. There is only so much socializing and traveling that I can do until my brain and body say enough.

The New Non-Binary Barista

If you had asked me why I had stopped blogging a year ago, I would have said that I was too busy or that I hadn’t stopped and would get back to it soon. I went from pushing it off to feeling general anxiety at the thought of writing again, second/third/fourth guessing every post, and thinking that it was not good enough to share. I went into full spirals already anticipating that I could never write what I was intending so why bother even trying.

In many ways, every writer feels these feelings and must push through them to share their work. But I was burnt out.

I moved at the beginning of last year and the profound sense of loss I felt was deeper than I could put into words. Virginia was not my first place to live but I wanted to be closer to family. In some ways, it felt like going backward. I was moving away from my friends and my coffee community, and towards an uncertain future during a pandemic. Most of my belongings had to be donated or given away because of the huge cost of moving and ended up in an empty apartment with my clothes, cat, and coffee gear.

Between the move, the pandemic, and job stress, I had reached a point of absolute desperation and made the decision to talk to a doctor to get on medication. The anxiety that plagued me every day was becoming overwhelming, often reducing me to only going to work and spiraling on the couch. Which ultimately made me feel as though none of what I said or believed about my work, the coffee industry, or life was worth anything because my faith and confidence in myself were shattered.

Now, all this to say, my point in posting about myself is not doom and gloom but to say that through all this, I went searching for my passion and voice again. 2022 was my first year of going to coffee events and actually getting to meet people made me remember who I was, and what I wanted for the industry. It reminded me that I’m not alone.

It reminded me that I have people not only in my corner, but that appreciate what I have to say and thoughts about how I want the industry to change.

So, guess who’s back!

How to Manage Explosive Emotions At Work

On my episode of Ashley Rodriguez’s podcast, Boss Barista, I discussed the common customer service policy, “leave your feelings at the door.” The idea stems from a certain expectation of professionalism that requires an even-keel attitude and a good service mentality. Oftentimes, the not-so-subtle message behind that adage is to keep feelings like anger, sadness, and frustration away from the people that support your business. While this is not necessarily a bad desire to have, it can become a toxic workplace mentality.

It’s an unfair and unrealistic expectation for anyone to come into a place that they spend any great length of time in and expect them not to feel anything related to the job or that their outside life won’t be a factor in how they act. Customers have been known to treat service workers less than kindly, but those same workers are expected to bear that treatment with a smile. Difficult life events do not wait for breaks or clock-out times, yet employees are supposed to stop thinking about their lives on the clock. Leaving your feelings at the door cannot be the end-all standard for professionalism in the workplace and should not be used as a way to dismiss the valid emotions that arise during a work shift.

Explosive emotions will happen, no matter how much we try to avoid them. So, how do you deal with them on shift when they happen?

Take A Minute:

Take some time to acknowledge your feelings and address how you can get through the rest of the shift. This can be as quick or long as you have time for, but go to the bathroom or walk out of the building and assess how you feel.

Try asking yourself these questions: What are you feeling? Is it something that you can address now or (more likely) should you deal with it later after you have calmed down? Should you deal with these feelings by yourself? Or with a coworker or manager?

If you are so angry or hurt that you can feel it in your body (shaking, crying, etc), it is more than likely best for you to do what you can to just get through your shift and then give yourself more time when you are in a safe space such as your home or with a caring friend to take care of yourself.

Just Trudge Through:

Sometimes, you may have the ability to leave when big feelings arise but, most of the time, the shift is not over and coverage is not possible so find ways to just make it through until you can clock out. This can look like switching to a position that is less customer-facing, making yourself a soothing drink, or asking for a break when possible. Whatever will help you get through the next few hours, put priority on that.

Don’t Cross Boundaries:

Recognize that other people can set a boundary and you need to respect it. We all vent to our coworkers about frustrations and problems. However, they may not be in a place to be vented to and that is just as valid. It may seem like they are dismissing you or invalidating your feelings but, while they do care about you, they have to do what is best for them as well.

Make a Plan:

When you clock out, assess how best to deal with all that you feel. Do you need to talk the situation out? Leave it at work? Work through it with a friend? Having a clear plan about how to help yourself feel better is vital because while you may have needed to put a pause in expressing those emotions for the sake of your shift and for your own emotional health, it still needs to be addressed now that the shift is over.

Self Soothe:

Experiencing big emotions is exhausting, both physically and mentally. Once you have figured out a plan and have come down from the initial blow-up, take some time to give yourself what you need to soothe your mind and body. Drink water, eat something good (read this as tastes good not necessarily healthy but that can be part of it), and rest. You’ve likely spent hours in your feelings and too much will just result in an emotional spiral so decide to put the issue down so that you can take care of yourself.

All-encompassing feelings like anger, sadness, and even shame can come on and overtake someone regardless of where they are, which means that no one can control or predict how they are going to feel and “leave it at the door.” The expectation that someone can just put their feelings in the pocket for minimum wage and the sake of an outdated view of professionalism is unfair and ridiculous. When big feelings arise, the important thing is to take time to assess what you need, how you are going to get through the day, and then to take care of yourself after.

Here’s Why I Keep A Coffee Journal (And You Should Too!)

Perhaps it is the writer in me, but I am always recommending people to write. Journaling. Writing fiction. Memoirs. Whatever the genre or style, writing is a powerful tool that we humans have to process our emotions, convey knowledge, and tell stories. I write professionally but I often write in journals or have notes to help me organize my thoughts. My job requires me to create new recipes, institute policy, and communicate changes from week to week. It made sense over the last year to create a designated coffee journal and I want to encourage you to create one too.

So, what goes in my coffee journal?

Charting Dials and Brews
I’ve written about this before but, let’s be honest, dialing in shots in the dark hours of the morning is not the easiest thing to do when you most likely haven’t even had your coffee yet. I started charting my dials last year when we would get a new espresso because it helps me to remember what I’ve done to remedy issues and develop the dialogue I use to describe what I’m tasting.

Recipe testing and noticing brewer differences also fill the pages of my coffee journal. Unlike some in the coffee community, pour overs are not my go-to way of brewing coffee in the morning but I do still make them and like to test new recipes that I come across. Extraction and brew variables are fascinating to me so I write down what I notice in my brews to better inform future cups of coffee.

Signature Drink Ideas
Creating a signature drink rarely happens in one go. Just like anything, it takes multiple attempts and testing to get something from good to great. My coffee journal is not only a place to write down ideas but also to write down recipes and any changes that happen during testing. Not only is having the recipe helpful so that you can reference it but also it is helpful when sharing it with friends or coworkers.

A Safe Space
The truth is that big feelings do occur on shift and they can leave you feeling uncomfortable and explosive. Or, perhaps, it wasn’t so much anger but doubt or sadness because someone said something or a situation happened that left you feeling unsure of yourself. Coffee journals don’t have to be all business and can be just that, a journal. Write through those feelings, examine what happened, and use it to help yourself grow past the situation.

The contents of a coffee journal can be however personal or professional as you choose to make it. Sometimes, I often wonder if my own notebook should be more organized or formatted but my notebooks are a useful tool for me. The contents do not belong to the business I work for and only need to help me in whatever way I need it. Whatever the reason you have for keeping a coffee journal, make it yours and let it help you.

What It’s Like To Be A Disabled Barista Right Now

For some, the word “disabled” makes them uncomfortable. “Disabled,” at some point became a bad word among abled-bodied people when, in reality, it is a word that describes the lives and conditions of so many people.

Including me.

But, what do I mean when I say disabled? According to the Oxford Dictionary, it means, “having a physical or mental condition that limits movements, senses, or activities.” The United States has a longer definition here as part of the disability benefits as well as a list of disabilities that allow you to receive federal support. However, between medical gaslighting and legal laws that keep many disabled people in forced poverty (capping income, losing financial help after marriage, etc), disability often goes beyond legal designations and is more widespread than our society has been led to believe.

I did not even consider myself disabled until the first summer of the pandemic when I was unemployed and applying for any job that I was qualified for. It was a disheartening wake-up call as I read the requirements and consequently filled out the disability disclosure form for over twenty different jobs. It was like being told each time that I filled it out that I was not like the average worker, that I needed to be treated differently. And I do, but it is one thing to ask for help from one person and a whole other to state it on a legal document.

Fast forward to the present day where this past week has been physically and mentally rough on me. I was so exhausted on Friday that I went to bed at 5pm, only to wake up around midnight to a pain flare-up all over my body. Episodes like this are rare for me, usually about once a year, but it is terrifying especially now that I live alone. I cried, hobbled around my apartment to get what I needed to make the pain subside, and would have gone to the emergency room if I thought they would do anything besides give me overpriced ibuprofen.

Being a disabled barista during Covid-19 has been filled with fear, constant checking of precautions, and many hard days inside. Stories about re-infection and government officials saying the pandemic is over make the defeat feel more real every day. I take public transit, which used to feel safer as it was one of the last places where masks were still required but, now, the mask mandates have been removed. If I wanted to avoid being in this situation, that would mean walking three miles one way to work every day. It is a daily occurrence that I look around the room at work and notice that in a crowded room I’m the only one wearing a mask.

It is coffee festival and show season, which should fill me with joy but mostly I feel anxiety. For those of us that followed Boston’s Coffee Expo, it was hard not to notice an unsafe pattern. SCA required a negative Covid test and masks but, between the city of Boston dropping the city mask mandate a few days before and very little enforcement of the SCA’s rules, Expo ended up being a super spreader event with a number of attendees testing positive in the week after. I want to go to events and will be going to a couple this summer because I need the networking and opportunities that come from it but it feels as though I’m putting myself in dangerous situations just to further my career.

In some ways, I’m lucky. Health insurance has been hit or miss during the pandemic and I’m fortunate to have it currently. However, I had to wait 5 months to get into a doctor’s office to get problems I’ve had for years looked at. And 3 months to see a specialist for the first time.

I have conditions that flare up and, with everywhere being short-staffed, I often have to wait until I cannot physically leave my apartment because I’m in so much pain to call out. This is never the place I have wanted to be in because, while I do hold myself to a professional standard and would never call out unnecessarily, there are many days where I have needed to call out but we did not have the coverage. This usually entails taking lots of medication, just barely getting through all the tasks needed, and then feeling worse for longer because I had to work instead of properly recovering.

Writing a post like this makes me nervous because of the backlash that disabled people face but, at the same time, the voices of disabled people throughout this pandemic have been dismissed and disregarded and I don’t want to keep these experiences to myself. I am a disabled barista that needs accommodations but those are becoming harder to obtain by those that employ me or organize events that I go to. Disabled people are not rare and are not some inconvenience to deal with, but we are struggling under the heavy weight that is the pandemic.